We spend every waking moment interacting with our surroundings, and while we do that, we need a mechanism to routinely make decisions. Our mind is in charge if making decisions, and one of the most important part of decision-making is judgement.
Why is judgement important in decision-making? Because it protects us from bad things that will happen if we choose poorly.
Judgement has a number of factors:
- Previous experiences
- Upbringing
- Cultural influences
- People you interact with
- Ability to feel empathy
- Social power and influence
- Material wealth
Based on those factors we can conclude that everyone should make a different judgement about the same thing.
Let me clarify this. For example, we see a new iPhone in shop window. There is a decision we have to make - to buy it or not. We might not even consider looking at the shop window or we might think for thirty minutes. Either way, we can make only two decisions: "buy" or "not buy".
Every person facing this dilemma will pick only one option. What I want to show you is that whatever the decision is - it's based very probably on wrong reasons.
First of all, all those judgement filters are influencing your decision. You had bad experience with earlier version of iPhone and you did not like it. Your parents do not have cell phones, and raised you not to value them. Your religion does not allow you to use electrical devices. Your friends all have newest iPhones. You decide to buy iPhone for your poor cousin instead. You buy in because it will look good on that exclusive restaurant table. You can not afford it.
All those reasons are not real. They are the product of our imagination. The reasons are external. Each point on the "filter list" is in your head. Let me make an example of the last filter "Material wealth", in our iPhone buyers case. You decide you can not afford it. Why? You might not have enough money, but you could get part-time job and work for it. You might get older model, or buy "cheaper" one that fallen off the truck (I am not condoning this!). You might have enough money but still decide you can not afford it because you need that money for your daughters schooling. Objectively, you can afford it, but your judgement filters prevent you to do it, and you make a decision. This is completely normal process, and everyone does the same.
Why I believe this decision-making process is bad? It is bad because it does not involve clear thinking. It is not based on objective but subjective values, based mostly on external influences that have nothing to do with our core principles. It is not based on reason. Most judgmental thoughts and feelings are bad. Luckily, it does not make us bad people, only poor decision-makers.
As Marcus Aurelius say in "Meditations":
How do we "wipe out that judgment now"? We need awareness. We need to come back into present moment, by letting go of all filtered thoughts we might have. Ask yourself good questions, concentrating on reasonable and natural standards:
1. "Will this new iPhone benefit or spoil me?"
2. "Will this new iPhone benefit or spoil my family?"
3. "Will this new iPhone benefit or spoil my friends and people I know?"
These are not some generic questions. First question, for example, asks if your current phone is enough for you? Does this new one have some crucial feature that will benefit me, my family and my community? The answer is not complicated. If you just place a call or two a day, and listen to some music, old phone is enough. If you do field work and regularly contact your customers while away from your desk, that longer battery life in the new model will be crucial for you, and then you buy it. The second question prevents you from buying it - if your daughter needs school books. You get the idea.
If the answer to all three questions is "benefit" the you should make positive decision.
The second type of judgement, is self-judgement. This form of judgement is worse than judging other people or things, since it is very negatively biased. This means that you almost always think bad about yourselves.
In his book "The Power of Now", Eckhart Tolle says:
All those reasons are not real. They are the product of our imagination. The reasons are external. Each point on the "filter list" is in your head. Let me make an example of the last filter "Material wealth", in our iPhone buyers case. You decide you can not afford it. Why? You might not have enough money, but you could get part-time job and work for it. You might get older model, or buy "cheaper" one that fallen off the truck (I am not condoning this!). You might have enough money but still decide you can not afford it because you need that money for your daughters schooling. Objectively, you can afford it, but your judgement filters prevent you to do it, and you make a decision. This is completely normal process, and everyone does the same.
Why I believe this decision-making process is bad? It is bad because it does not involve clear thinking. It is not based on objective but subjective values, based mostly on external influences that have nothing to do with our core principles. It is not based on reason. Most judgmental thoughts and feelings are bad. Luckily, it does not make us bad people, only poor decision-makers.
As Marcus Aurelius say in "Meditations":
"If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now."
How do we "wipe out that judgment now"? We need awareness. We need to come back into present moment, by letting go of all filtered thoughts we might have. Ask yourself good questions, concentrating on reasonable and natural standards:
1. "Will this new iPhone benefit or spoil me?"
2. "Will this new iPhone benefit or spoil my family?"
3. "Will this new iPhone benefit or spoil my friends and people I know?"
These are not some generic questions. First question, for example, asks if your current phone is enough for you? Does this new one have some crucial feature that will benefit me, my family and my community? The answer is not complicated. If you just place a call or two a day, and listen to some music, old phone is enough. If you do field work and regularly contact your customers while away from your desk, that longer battery life in the new model will be crucial for you, and then you buy it. The second question prevents you from buying it - if your daughter needs school books. You get the idea.
If the answer to all three questions is "benefit" the you should make positive decision.
The second type of judgement, is self-judgement. This form of judgement is worse than judging other people or things, since it is very negatively biased. This means that you almost always think bad about yourselves.
In his book "The Power of Now", Eckhart Tolle says:
"The moment that judgement stops through acceptance of what it is, you are free of the mind. You have made room for love, for joy, for peace."
You can feel bad about your looks, your career, your anxiety and your iPhone. By accepting the reality, you are free of bad judgement. You do not need to judge something you have already accepted. Not looking into the past and into the future is also the key. Do not create stories about what happened and what might be. If you do, you will naturally start to judge them!
The third issue about judgement is fear of being judged by others. This can cause some real troubles, like obsession, depression, anxiety, perfectionism and high blood pressure. We do not want that, do we?
Nobody can say it better than Brené Brown:
I wand to clarify one more thing - I do not see that being judged by other people as bad. It is bad for them, not you. Bad judgement, the topic of this post, is all about your own.
What we need to understand is that people who judge you do it trough their own filters, and we already concluded this way of judgment is defective. So, why are we upset? Because someone else is wrong? We can be upset only when we are wrong, but only briefly. Just accept that someone judged you, did that badly, and feel sorry for they made a mistake. Then, with a clear head, explain why that person is wrong. If he or she still persists, do not get angry or upset. It's still problem on the other end.
One small problem - how we distinguish from good and bad critique? It is very important that we learn this skill. We can do it by being aware, being present in the moment, and clear-headed, asking ourselves the same three questions I have listed above.
Dalai Lama:
Follow your reason, carefully listen to others and you will be fine!
How do you make decisions? Please leave comments below!
The third issue about judgement is fear of being judged by others. This can cause some real troubles, like obsession, depression, anxiety, perfectionism and high blood pressure. We do not want that, do we?
Nobody can say it better than Brené Brown:
"Many people think of perfectionism as striving to be your best, but it is not about self-improvement; it's about earning approval and acceptance."
I wand to clarify one more thing - I do not see that being judged by other people as bad. It is bad for them, not you. Bad judgement, the topic of this post, is all about your own.
What we need to understand is that people who judge you do it trough their own filters, and we already concluded this way of judgment is defective. So, why are we upset? Because someone else is wrong? We can be upset only when we are wrong, but only briefly. Just accept that someone judged you, did that badly, and feel sorry for they made a mistake. Then, with a clear head, explain why that person is wrong. If he or she still persists, do not get angry or upset. It's still problem on the other end.
One small problem - how we distinguish from good and bad critique? It is very important that we learn this skill. We can do it by being aware, being present in the moment, and clear-headed, asking ourselves the same three questions I have listed above.
Dalai Lama:
"The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual's own reason and critical analysis."
Follow your reason, carefully listen to others and you will be fine!
How do you make decisions? Please leave comments below!
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