Declutter Your Home

Living with a lot of stuff around is expensive. Not only it costs more to acquire it - it needs maintenance and storage space. For each item you own and keep in your living space you pay money.

The bigger problem is that clutter is mentally expensive, too. It can be nice to have beautiful painting hanging on your wall, but having ten on that same wall is tedious. Each time you see and item, your brain gets distracted. It needs to process the information. When this happens whenever you look, your brain gets tired.

Decluttering is not equal to spring cleaning - it is a decision you make about your life. It is of no use to throw out old stuff just to buy new.  When you make this decision it should be a continuous action. I have a reminder on my phone every Sunday to throw out or sell a thing from my home. So when the time comes I have to get rid of one item from my home. It can be a small one or a big one - it doesn't matter. It is important that I do this every week. Sometimes bunch of stuff goes out and sometimes just a trinket.

This became a weekly habit for me. The amount of stuff that goes in the house and stays in can be bigger than the amount of stuff you let go. It doesn't matter as long as some of it goes out.

Emotional value of stuff

People tend to attach some kind of emotional value to things. I learned that this is wrong. Things can not have emotional value - only your mind can attach it. So, by holding on items you are attaching a thought to them, and believe that the thing became thought. It is impossible.

It helps to ask a friend if some item you hold on would be good for him/her to have. If friend likes the object keep it, if not let it go, no matter how attached you feel to it. 

Objective value of things do not increase just by your attachment to it. Unless you are a famous pop star or actor, that item is of the same value before you acquired it and now, considering objective emotional value. Monetrary value can change, but again, this is not related how you perceive it. Market will give this item a price.

Giving away things

One of the best ways to declutter your home is to give stuff away to people who need it. This is beneficial to all - they will get for free something they need and you will be free of thing you do not need. Giving away is somewhat illogical to do. After all, you earned money and bought the item. You maintained it, cherished it. My advice is to just try. Give something away to someone, and see what happens. For me, it was a good moment. It might be for you, too.

Selling things over eBay-like services

This is also a good way to get rid of stuff. Somehow, if you sell an item, that money that comes in feels more valuable than regular money. Be aware of this, as it is an illusion. Do not go buying new stuff just because you sold some of old. 

Health benefits

There are numerous health benefits to decluttering, bot physical an mental.

Physical benefits are less dirt and dust that is collecting on stuff, Less time needed to maintain it and more time for exercise, without the dust.

Mental benefits are less obvious. Clean and empty space around us makes us more concentrated on present moment, noticing important things that remained. We are not distracted bu unimportant and we can breathe easier. We have less to worry about and more to be present in the moment. 

What is the limit of decluttering

If we throw away everything we own, does this make us better? Obviously not. If we throw away everything we will not be able to function in our world. 

Is there any magic number, any threshold for decluttering? No, it completely depends on you. You will know what is important and what is not. By removing all illusions and by seeing clearly, you will be able to determine what you really need and what you do not. You will accomplish that by being mindful about stuff and their real place in your life.

What are your ways of dealing with excess items in your possession? Do you keep them in your home, put them in the boxes in the attic or sell them? Please voice in the comments!

Why and How to Face Fears

Fear is one of the most useful emotions human being can feel. If you would not fear - you would be in great danger. Fear is the tool to make us run away from dangerous situations.

I have talked about living in the present moment in earlier posts. It is a good way of living, and you should do it. Fear is something we can feel only if we are present and observing. If we are lost in our thoughts or other emotions, we will not see dangerous situation and would suffer the consequences.

I can conclude that fear is a part of our lives and we should welcome it and accept it. When someone tells you he or she does not fear anything, you ask them how can they be alive? When they ask why, ask them counter question - why you do not cross the street while the red light is on? 

So we all should fear. What is then the problem? The problem lies in our evolution. When our ancestors were in wilderness surrounded by wild animals and other dangers, it was literally vital to sense fear rapidly. If sabretooth tiger was starting to run after you, you would sense fear and gain physical advantage by releasing of necessary hormones and reducing blood flow to unnecessary parts of the body. This is what we call fear.

Today, number of lethal situations is greatly reduced, but our fear mechanism stayed. Our prefrontal cortex is part of the brain tasked for imagination, and is one of the most powerful tools humans have. We can imagine things that do not exist, avoid things that are unpleasant (we do not make sea water tasting ice cream). This way we are able to think and contemplate about past and present, as if we are actually there. Our brain has power to fool the body to think that what we think about is actually happening. This is thanks to layered structure of our brain. As new parts evolved (like prefrontal cortex) they started to influence old parts (like amygdala).

When we get lost in difficult or unpleasant thoughts or emotions, our brain starts to react as if contents of our thoughts are actually happening. This way, we can get annoyed by some event that happened long ago or something we think will happen in future.

How Can We Face Fears

Facing fears is pretty abstract advice. It sounds confrontational but it is not. It is the exact opposite. You need to see your fear and find it in your body. Is it in your stomach, chest, jaw? Observe it and do not try to erase it. You will fail. Fear can not be erased or neutralized because fighting what already exists always lead to defeat. Embrace your fear and see it for what it is - unnecessary part of your life. Do not fear to lose your job or to speak in public. That fear you experience is just relic from very old times when we needed to run away from predators. Now we feel this urge when we face a dentist, which is quite silly. 

By observing your fear it might not go away completely. It might be just a bit reduced. You might feel a bit more calm. You might even feel more scared when you clearly see your fear. Do not give up! Stay in the moment by watching your breath and gently return to it when your mind starts to produce fear by thinking. Do this for ten minutes.

Facing fear is an activity with steps. I gave you one example of steps to do when afraid. There are a number of methods of using mindfulness meditation available on the web.

Why We Need to Face Fears


Main reason for facing fears is that they do not just go away by themselves. For example, when you delay going to the dentist for a couple of months, your fear comes back later. Not only it comes back, but it enhances.

If we try to push away fear we will fail. No matter what we do to fight it will not make it go away. When the even we fear about passes we feel relieved. The problem is - it might happen again. We need to meet our fears eye to eye and accept them as they are.

Living With Anxiety

I live with a lot of anxiety. I am anxious about most things in my life that matter to me - like health and family. I had to learn to live with it.

At the beginning of this year I had serious health issues. My blood pressure was very high and I ended up in a hospital for two weeks. After that, I was on a sick leave for whole two months. Most of this was caused by stress, which is as common as breathing these days.

My problem with anxiety was that it caused what I call cycle-effect. I become mildly anxious about something and then I get anxious more about being anxious. That goes on and on. If I measure my blood pressure, and it is moderately nigh, I become very anxious about it. Then my blood pressure rises more and more in this cycle-effect.

Being concerned about such big issues in life is not the only source. We can get anxious about very small things, things we would not even notice on a different day. If you remember last time screaming child got you mad, you will certainly remember times when you did not even notice such an event. 

What types of anxiety there are:
1. Panic (general fear)
2. Social anxiety (fear of being judged)
3. Phobias (overreacting to fear)
4. General anxiety (threats that are not there)

First three types will not be covered in this post. I am not qualified enough to give any advice, and it is better to consult with proper medical expert. I can not recommend reading articles on blogs instead going to the doctor's office.

When we usually feel general anxiety:
1. Some issue in family
2. Some issue at workplace
3. Public speaking and performing

This is pretty normal, I could say human feeling. We know we are human beings if we feel nervous from time to time. If we are never nervous, we have probably damaged our amygdala or hippocampus.

Anxiety can be triggered by events that occurred in the past or are occurring now. We can even be anxious about events that never happened, such as the event we imagine will happen in the future. We can not change the things that have already happening or happened before, but we certainly can influence our imagination. When our brains start to ruminate about some scary event in the future, acknowledge it and let go.

How to let go of anxiety?

This is a hard part. If it was easy, we would just dismiss it and move on. Our brains so not work that way. 

One of the ways to relieve anxiety is to engage in some activity. We will forget about our problems. This is just a temporary resolution because anxiety will most likely come back.

Another way is to use anti-anxiety medications which were prescribed by your doctor. This is also a temporary relieve, unless you plan to use them all your life.

The problems which cause anxiety does not seem to just go away, and so does anxiety. Whenever we apply temporary solution it will come back.

Obviously, to solve the initial problem is a perfect solution. You deal with what you are anxious about, solve it and move on. There are times when you just can not do it. Then what?

Only way to let go of the anxiousness is to accept it. This is easier said than done. This is why this blog post is titled "Living With Anxiety" instead of "Get Rid of Anxiety". Actually, if you manage to accept your anxiety as a part of your being, you will in a way get rid of it. If you try to fight your anxiety - you will definitely lose. You should not fight with what already is. If you are anxious - you are. You should not expect that you will not be anxious in the future. You should not expect any technique or drug relieve you of anxiety, because when it does not, you will lose faith in techniques and drugs. They will certainly fail at one point or another. 

So, my "technique" is not to do anything much about it. Just observe it, see it clearly, try to pinpoint in which part of the body it inhabits and watch it. Anxiety is usually present in stomach, chest or jaw. Look for it and give it your full attention. The anxiety will not immediately go away. It could stay there for hours. With doing nothing, and concentrating on something else, like your breath, anxiety will diminish. It might come back after a few seconds or minutes. I have about 50% chance to relieve anxiety this way. 

Another way is to concentrate on the present moment. You can hear the sounds and label them ("car horn", "bird", "wife vacuuming") or you can count your breath (1-2, 1-2) as you breathe in and out. This way you will ground your mind in the present moment. If it doesn't do the trick, try at the same time to feel your feet on the floor and breathe or listen. If you give your mind enough "topics" to concentrate on, it will let go of the anxiety.

To conclude, anxiety is a normal human condition. It is useless to fight it, because fighting it causes more anxiety and will fail. What you can do is to accept it and let it be. Anxiety is rooted in a number of events in what we call life. It is a part of the deal and it is quite normal to see it as a welcome guest and let it leave as soon as possible. If you didn't ever feel anxious - how could you feel calmness?

How do you deal with anxiety? Please voice in the comments section!

Regret is Useless

Regret is so common. We all regretted something at one point or another. There is almost nothing in this world that you can not regret.

When something bad happens to us we regret either that fact or the fact we did not do something about it. We believe that world owes us satisfaction. We believe that nothing bad should ever happen to us.

We can regret even when good things happen. When we win second prize in the competition, we wish we won the first. When we stroll by the river, we wish we are on some exotic island beach. When we are on exotic island beach, we wish it could be a bit colder, and that a walk by the river would be refreshing. We regret that good thing is happening and we wish differently.

When we feel regret, we are making ourselves sad. We are deliberately putting ourselves down. There is no possibility that regretting could change the unwelcome thing that is bothering us. Regret usually does not lead to action, either. Regret is wishing that things are different. We regret some action/inaction in the past, but ultimately we are battling the present moment. We do not really regret past action/inaction but the outcome we witness.

Why are we all doing this? There are a lot of scientific studies explaining the underlying biology and processes that happen in our brains. I will concentrate on bigger picture. Most of the time after we regret, we are trying to rationalize things. "If only that thing happened, I would surely do differently" is the template of justifications.

Regret is defense mechanism that ensures:

1. We feel entitled to better things

2. We are capable of achieving better things when we wish

3. Others are to blame for our action/inaction

We feel entitled to better things

This is a trait mostly associated with children and adolescents. They are the ultimate ego machines, believing the world is their oyster. The process of growing up is responsible for removing such a belief, and installing more obedient approach, where we learn about earning things, working for food and clothing, investing in education. Society is relentless in molding the average people in average molds. At some point we all feel that this must not be the best there could be, and we start to regret our choices. We believe we should have better things, better education and a better job. 

We are capable of achieving better things when we wish

Interestingly this belief makes us lazy. We somehow know that we are capable, and that we could change our lives for the better anytime we wish. It is just a matter of time. There is usually some "insurmountable" obstacle in place, that is preventing us to start immediately. We just need some more funds, so we wait for the next paycheck. We just need someone to help us with something first, but that person is "busy", but only in our minds; we fear that by calling that person we will need to start the hard and unpleasant work. We would travel to do it, but the kids go to school and we must wait for their school break to start. 

There are a number of rationalizations to help us being dormant. We need to break out of this slumber and act. If you believe you are not good enough to do something, what makes you thing the future you will be? If the circumstances are not good now, what makes you believe they will be in the future? There is no point in procrastinating. We all know it, but we all do it. We do it regularly and think it will be better tomorrow. When it does not, we are sad or angry. 

We need to start achieving better things now. We need to live our lives now. We need to be mindful about our present and act based on that. Do not let illusion of past and future stop you from doing what you love to do.

Others are to blame for our action/inaction

I have noticed that when people are publicly regretting something, they tend to paint them in a good light. When people talk to you complaining about something, they usually blame other people and events for their sad destiny. "I should not have refused that job offer" is a common sentence you hear. How is this blaming others? Accepting a job is something you will definitely discuss with your family and friends. You will even use an Internet service like Glassdoor to check out possible new employer. That makes this decision not completely yours. "If only I have listened to my mother and went to that school". This regret has also a hidden blaming arrow - your mother should have been more persuasive. 

Other people and events are not to blame for our actions. If we did not shoot someone while he was attacking us with a knife, we are usually the ones to blame. There are situations which often include violence toward us, that are someone else's fault. There is a point which takes a bit of blame towards us, since we did not take precautions to avoid unwanted event (do not walk alone in the dark alleys at night, look left and right while crossing the street, learn a martial art...). Such events are so rare, that even if you live in violent neighborhood, chances are you will be fine.

What to do?

When you notice you are regretting, immediately acknowledge it. Do not feel mad because you are regretting. Accept the fact. We are human beings and regret is natural for us. Locate your regret. Find it inside your body and envelop it with soap-bubble. Let if hover there and let the bubble pop. Let you regret go. When it comes back do the same. Breathe. Count ten breaths. 

Be mindful of your mind. Being regretful will not really hurt you, but it will make you sad, and possibly lead to depression, if it occurs too often.

Do you have any regrets? Voice your opinion in the comments section!

Why Judging is Bad for You

Judgment is usually wrong, as I explained in previous post. When people judge other people or events they do it through distorted lens of previous experience, cultural upbringing, current mood and other factors.

In this post I will explain why judgment is bad for you. It is a bad habit, which is almost impossible to get rid of. More so, judgment is sometimes very necessary, because you would prefer to run away from frantic murderer wielding a machete, and not be compassionate toward him. 

All this implies that there are two kinds of judgment:
1. Necessary
2. Unnecessary

How do we distinguish between the two?

First, let me define them:

Necessary judgment: When we are in dangerous situation, we need to quickly decide what to do, and we can not do it without judging the situation - people and objects involved.

Unnecessary judgment: All other forms of judgment. Judging people who we do not know, judging ourselves for what we have or have not done.

How can we get rid of unnecessary judgment?

1. Mindfulness. If you are mindful of your surroundings and are not tangled in your thoughts, you will be able to observe the world around you clearly. This is the prerequisite for necessary judgment. It will enable you to recognize the time your mind is ruminating about something, when you think about the past of the future.

2. Concentration. If you are concentrated to the job at hand, you will be able to make decisions based on clear thinking. When your mind wonders, you will lose focus and probably lose awareness about the task as well.

3. Handling thoughts. When your mind starts to ruminate recognize this fact and remember to be mindful. Do not also judge the fact that you are judgmental. That is a trap many of us fall into. We feel bad that we are not mindful! We need to handle these thoughts as another one to be mindful about, and let it go.

When we let go of unnecessary judgment, we are free of potentially damaging behavior. What we gain is compassion and patience. We become better fathers, mothers, sons and daughters. We become a relative that cares and a colleague that is not preoccupied just with work. We look at people in the street and we notice them. We notice a sunny day, not just when it rains on our heads. We become satisfied with present moment. Even when things do not go well, we are content that they are not worse. We become grateful for little things we would not notice with judgment on.

As Marcus Aurelius says:
"If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now."

Michel de Montaigne gives anoter tip:
"Traveling through the world produces a marvelous clarity in the judgment of men. We are all of us confined and enclosed within ourselves, and see no farther than the end of our nose. This great world is a mirror where we must see ourselves in order to know ourselves. There are so many different tempers, so many different points of view, judgments, opinions, laws and customs to teach us to judge wisely on our own, and to teach our judgment to recognize its imperfection and natural weakness."

What is your way to judge others. Voice your opinions in the comments secition!

You are Mindful Not Just for Your Benefit

Mindfulness is a positive quality that we can develop in our lives by practice. Positive traits tend to help not only yourself but others, too.

It is not so obvious how such personal thing as mindfulness can influence other people lives. There are other personal qualities like health, which benefits others by you being alive and well, and being able to enjoy your company. But not everyone enjoys your company. There are people who rather dislike you and do not wish you well.

Mindfulness is of universal benefit to all people around you. Even those that hate you. I could argue that your mindfulness benefits haters as much as you, and even more than neutral people. Let me analyze this thought.

Your family benefits greatly when you spend your time with them. Being present for them is the best gift you can give them. As Thich Nhat Hanh says "The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers." 

Your friends have similar benefits, as your family. You can give them your full attention in that short time you spend together (as opposed to the time you spend with your family and your colleagues).

Your colleagues are treated with more kindness and patience. Even those that you do not like too much, with mindfulness you develop compassion and you can understand their problems better. You learn to live with them, and not to dislike. Dislike is judgmental and it is not in line with mindfulness. You can not be both mindful and judgmental. By practicing mindfulness you will bring a note of unity in your workplace and it will not go unnoticed. You will make better conversations, listen better and develop genuine interest in your associates.

People that do not know you that you meet in everyday life can benefit, too. You can help someone you would not even notice without paying attention. There are people we pass by every day that could use our help. We mostly do not even look at them. You might even converse with a stranger in public transport without feeling like a madman. Mindfulness will help you understand that we all share this moment on our small planet and that we have a lot in common. What are the odds that two of you would share a same bus in this infinite universe? 

When you practice mindfulness always have in mind that you are making a positive impact on yourself and your environment. Your family, friends, colleagues and strangers have immediate benefits from it. That should give you incentive for continuing practice of mindfulness meditation. During the practice picture the people in your mind that will benefit from better you. Do this for a minute and then continue with usual practice.

It is important to be present around people. Only that way you can really communicate with them, understand them and be compassionate. If you paint a picture in your head before you even meet the person, you will most likely make a mistake. If the person is not wielding a knife or gun it is safe to say that all options are open. Who knows, a guy with a knife can be a butcher in butcher shop, and a guy with a gun a police officer who helps a kid to find a way home. Below the preconditioned mind there is a layer of intuition. We can rely on our intuition that it will make a safe decision in dangerous situations. It is a mechanism that is perfected for thousands years. It is so "good" that now we run from discomfort and fear we will lose money, instead of running from a lion for our lives. If you are very frightened, acknowledge it immediately and do what is necessary (run, hide or fight). In all other cases of high anxiety and fear it is usually your mind that is projecting a story. 

Conclusion is that mindfulness is a skill that is beneficial to many people around you. This alone should motivate you to be present in the moment. Wherever you go try to remember to be mindful. That is really the hardest part. It comes with practice. For me, I still am not very present around people, but with time  I noticed that I listen better and have a bit better concentration.

Voice in the comments section your thoughts about benefits of mindfulness!

Accept What Is and Act

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Decision making is probably the most important thing that separates human kind from other species that live on Earth. Opposable thumbs, too. I will leave the importance of thumbs to anthropologist and talk about doing things.

Jon Kabat-Zinn says:

"Our world is so much about doing that the being gets lost."

What he is saying that we are driven to do things by our societies and our cultures. From childhood days we are conditioned to find things to do, and we see our parents go to work every day. We go through schooling with the clear goal to prepare ourselves to get a good job. Since most of us are being raised that way, it is unrealistic to expect of us to be different. It is very difficult for modern human being to just be in the present moment and do nothing. It is contrary to all that we have learned in our lives.

Should we just sit around and do nothing then? I will not presume what is the right do-be ratio because it is different for everyone. Doing nothing is just as good as doing something. In some situations, doing nothing is really beneficial. For example, while we sleep we do not do much. We sleep and our brains do the maintenance work, resting and preparing for the next day. Should we do nothing while we are awake? Yes we should. Paying non-judgmental attention to our surroundings is very useful. If we do that - we live. While we are lost in our thoughts and emotions we miss out on life, and it is the only thing we should not miss out on, because we do not have more than one life to live.

Meditation is one exercise of doing nothing. Actually, we concentrate on our breaths, or on sounds and smells, or action going on in our body like pulsating of our heart. That activity grounds us in the present moment and we can see what is going on around and inside us. We let our thoughts and feelings slide by. By doing nothing we gain a sense of clarity and concentration. This is essential to have and use in our other activities.

How being in the present moment helps productivity? It is not meant to help productivity, but it helps anyway. It helps you to live a mindful life, and if you decide to spend it doing things - it is good. Moments of clarity should also help you make decisions. When all the distractions are accepted and filed for later, we are able to see where we are, which is the most important thing to know if you plan to go somewhere. When you know where the destination is on the map, it is of no use if you do not know your location. It sounds a bit corny, so I will explain it by example. Let's say you want to find a better job. You are not satisfied with you current position, your tasks and projects, your ability to improve or whatever might the reason be. You change the job and suddenly realize that you still are not satisfied with you current position, your tasks and projects, your ability to improve. It seems that you carried something in yourself on that new job. That something is what you need to know about before you decide to make a significant change. You need to know your location. It might be that you are not satisfied with yourself, and that the consequence is you wanted a change. Unable to look inside yourself clearly, you made a poor choice.

What you need to do is to accept the reality. It means you have not to refuse what is. If you do you will certainly be unhappy, because what happened before and what is happening at this moment is something you can not change. You can influence only the next moment with your actions. Without acceptance you will not clearly see what needs to be done. You will see things through a number of filters like current mood, previous experiences, other people opinions and projected results. With filters on you will have very difficult task to act in the right way. By accepting current mood, previous experiences, other people opinions and projected results as something that is present and let them go, you will take off the filters and see the real world as it is now.

With that clarity of mind you will be able to act in a right way. You will see your core values, your sense of duty towards yourself, your family and your community. Then you will have a choice to act in a right way, wrong way or not to act at all. What you choose will be something that you will be responsible for, and that is why you will choose the right way most of the time. That sense of responsibility will come from accepting that it is completely your decision to make.

Fear is one big obstacle that prevent people from acting. There are others, but this is a major one. People are afraid of many things and acting presumes change. Change is one of the most frequent reason for fear, since people do not like to change and do not like when other things change. Change elicits a sense of inadequacy, a feeling that things were better before. It implies making an effort to adjust to new, to learn new things. Changes are usually contrary to our plans and our projections what future should be like. We also know that our decisions bring out the same feelings in other people, and we love to be loved by others.

Fearlessness is something that can be cultivated by meditation. With mindful observation of anxiety that you feel you can at least understand it better - if it does not go away. Get familiar with your anxiety and see that at that moment there is absolutely nothing in your environment that warrants it (except if you are sick at home or in hospital bed). Contemplate for a moment how will you feel about the thing that is causing fear in a year from now. Will you still be afraid then? Try to remember what you were afraid on this date six months ago. I bet you do not have a clue. That is how important your fear is, and how much impact your anxiety has in your life. Neither fear nor anxiety is of no importance to you (unless you are facing wild animal with sharp teeth in the desert).

If the thing you want to do is not illegal, will not hurt anyone and will not get you in jail - by all means, do not listen to your filters and your fears. See the benefit that it has on your life and life of others - and act!

How to Mindfully Stop Smoking

photo credit: Matthieu Aubry. via photopin cc

To quit smoking is a tall order. It is for many a great discomfort, big problem and insurmountable obstacle.

I was a smoker from my teenage years year until 2010. I consider 29th of November as my second birthday, because it is the date I quit smoking for good. This enables me to have a balanced view on this matter. 

There are two disclaimers I have to make here:
1. I did not practice mindfulness when I have stopped smoking. I have no idea if this method I will post here will work for anyone. I believe it will, at least,  not hurt your efforts to quit smoking.
2. Allen Carr's book "Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking: The Easyway To Stop Smoking". The author claims on his web site that he sold 10 million of his books. I know people who read his book and did not stop smoking. For me it did the trick, and in this post I will explain how.

I am not the first one to think about mindfulness and smoking. There is a great article in Psychology Today in which Judson Brewer discusses how to do it. I will try to simplify the process. This does not mean it will be easier.

Smoking is probably the most rationalized human behavior. Drug addiction, alcoholism and gambling are on top of that list, too.

Some of most famous statements of smokers:
"I could not drink coffee without a cigarette"
"I must light one when I wake up"
"Smoke after a meal tastes so great"
"I can quit smoking when I want, and now is not that time"
"I would quit smoking but it would make me fat"
"I have tried to quit smoking before and could not do it"
"I have a lot of stress in office these days, it is not the right time"

This way smokers fool themselves. They know that, too. It would be interesting to dissect human urge to do bad things for their health (and others, too). Not only it is bad in a long-term, it is bad even in the moment when they actually smoke. There is no possibility that inhaling any kind of toxic fumes into human lungs is pleasant. The smokers perceive that it is enjoyable because it satisfies their nicotine addiction. It reduces stress caused by that same addiction. In this way smokers see the cigarette as a way to reduce stress thus giving them pleasure. I would not even talk about how wrong that argument is.

Smokers are not mindful. Just look at any smoker and pay attention to his or hers behavior. It goes like this: 
1. They light up the cigarette. 
2. In that moment they are aware of the fact they are smoking.
3. As soon as nicotine injects into the body, the addiction is fed.
4. After that, smokers move their cigarette away, usually out of their sight, and are not aware that they smoke until it is time to put it out in the ashtray.

Smokers are not aware that they are smoking. Ask any smoker if there was a time they actually left a cigarette in the ashtray to burn out and never even noticed until it started to smell bad? This is the case for any smoker who works and smokes in the same time.

There are no benefits of smoking. If you read Allen Carr's book, you will learn this over and over. He burns the rationalizations of smokers one by one and dumps them collectively into the ashtray. See what I did there? :-)

How I stopped smoking?

As I said before, I did not practice mindfulness a that period in my life. I did not even have an idea what meditation or awareness are. I have read Allen's book and just throw half-finished pack of cigarettes in the trash. I have decided to smoke my last cigarette, and I did not even finish it but extinguished it halfway. That was it for me.

Before that I unsuccessfully tried to cut down, to smoke just a few cigarettes a day. I even installed some Android apps that notified me when is the time for next cigarette, taking into account how many cigarettes I may smoke that day. It was a hell for me. After a few days of this i caught myself looking at the smartphone screen and waiting for it to ping.

What happened? I did not think much about what happened to me and made me quit, until recently. I have started practicing mindfulness meditation last year and read some books on the subject. In this process I learned about mindfulness, human brain functions and started noticing things that did not matter to me before.

I have reached the conclusion that Allen's book gave me a prolonged moment of clarity. It made me aware of my smoking habit all the way. I did not simply light-and-forget, I started noticing every smoke I inhaled. In combination with Allen's almost hypnotic writing style and his irrefutable arguments against smoking, that made me realize that each smoke I inhale made me more stupid in my own eyes. I understood that smoking is something that is happening to me now and it was very bad and unpleasant. I saw that clearly at one point and throw away my addiction.

People who tried and failed to quit smoking told me that days after the decisions are like hell. They just could not endure the pangs. They felt nervous and depressed. For me, they were five of my most precious days because I knew that each minute I was further away from hell. I had an issue after four days. I felt intense dizziness, and I had trouble maintaining my balance for two whole days. Fortunately that was my blood pressure dropping, since I did not ingest anymore of toxins and my heart started pumping less intense, lowering my blood pressure. I have helped my heart deliver oxygen to my body, by removing the dirt from my blood. 


What about mindfulness? How would it help?

The plan to quit smoking using mindfulness:
1. When you feel the urge to smoke, take 10 deep breaths. Concentrate solely on the breath and if urge resurface just gently return your focus to the breath.
2. If the urge to smoke does not go away, drink a glass of water. Do it mindfully. Drink deliberately slow and notice how water travels to your abdomen.
3. If the urge to smoke does not go away, feel where in the body you feel this urge. Locate the exact point. When you find it, imagine a soap-bubble around it. Stand outside this bubble and look at your urge. Do not judge it, just feel it and accept it is there. Breathe while you are doing this.

This should help you, and if not, try again. You have to understand that the goal is to clean your body of nicotine. You can not throw it out immediately, since this takes about five days. Every time you light the cigarette, you move that five days window further into the future, thus prolonging your withdrawal symptoms. 

After you are clear of nicotine, you have one more step to do. You need to break the connection between smoking from other activities. You have to learn not to light a cigarette after a meal or while drinking coffee. Be aware of the habit to smoke after waking up in the morning, since the first ten minutes of being awake is the critical time.

I hope this advice will help you and please write your experiences in the comments section!

Why You Will Not Be Happy Tomorrow?

photo credit: Flotographic Arts via photopin cc

How many times in our lives we wanted difficult day just to end? It was hard, we were tired of everything and we just wanted to go to bed.

I bet everyone had such days. It is normal and a part of being human. What are the problems with this kind of thinking?

It implies that tomorrow will be better. I will not. Or it will, but it does not matter one bit. Tomorrow will come, most probably, but now is the only time we have. Thinking it will be better tomorrow or in a week is a dangerous trap our minds set upon us, just to help us stay sane. 

You believe "Tomorrow" is a real thing. It does not exist, and yet we like to think about it, and even ruminate about it like a broken record. For example, when you have a presentation in front of hundred people, day before (or week before) you start going over presentation scenarios, imagine how will you speak. You say in yourself what you will speak, again and again and again. You imagine what questions will audience ask, and you rehearse all the answers. This is mindless thinking. What you imagine will most likely never happen. The reality will be so much different. There even might not be any presentation at all!

You think you do not have what it takes. You lead yourself to believe that there is one thing that is missing, and when you acquire that thing things will be perfect. Only when you acquire that thing you will realize that you need another and another after that. Somehow, when you think about it, in all hard situations you managed quite well. The results maybe weren't perfect - but it was good. You had what it takes then, and you will.

You believe something wrong happened to you. Nothing nature throws at you can possibly be wrong. Even if you die, it is a part of life, and it is considered natural. How many people you know lived for eternity? If you do right for yourself, your family and your community, nothing wrong can happen. What is wrong - your thoughts about that event. It has already happened and it is pointless to think a lot about it. You can not change the fact it happened, and if you resist that fact you will be miserable, guaranteed. Why would you make yourself miserable? Do you like being miserable?

You are rationalizing things. You believe that if bad things did not happen to you - you would be good, you would finish that assignment, you would not be late for that meeting and your lunch would not turn to ashes in the stove. It is perfectly normal for humans to rationalize things. Without that we would be all locked out in asylums.

What we need to do?

- Be in the present moment. Understand that it is the only moment you have and will always have. Do not wish it to pass, because it will not. Do step two if you do not know how.

- Follow your breath. Do five minutes of mindful meditation, concentrate on your breath, and if thoughts and emotions come, refocus on your breath and do not beat yourself up because your mind wonders.

- Do something beneficial for you, your family and your community. Listen to reason when deciding what to do. When you do it, you will immediately feel better. You can play with your kids or take a five-minute walk in the park. Watch TV show with your spouse. Call a friend. Exercise for three minutes. All those activities are good for your family and indirectly strengthens the community in the process.

What am I missing?

I have made a claim that you will not be happier tomorrow. I claim you are happy now. What is missing is a definition of happiness.

In dictionaries they define happiness as "the state of being happy." This does not help a bit.

Then what is happiness? There is no easy answer for that question. Almost any philosophy or religion defines happiness in its own way. Those explanations differ greatly from case to case. There is even a science of happiness today.

The problem is that happiness is different for each person on our planet. There are no two people who are happy in the exactly the same way.

They all agree in one - happiness is a state. This means it can happen now and is probably happening even if we are not noticing. Let's say you feel unhappy now. If you break down your present moment, can you tell me what in the present moment is making you unhappy? You must exclude your thoughts and ideas about what makes you unhappy and see clearly if anything present in this moment is making you unhappy. I am 99% sure there is absolutely nothing, unless you are in a hospital bed or trapped in a well. Then why you are unhappy?

You are unhappy because of your thoughts created by prefrontal cortex, part of your brain tasked to imagine. No other species on Earth has prefrontal cortex and can not plan, make decisions or be unhappy about something that is not present. You can easily analyze the behavior of the gazelle after it escapes a hungry lion. One moment, it is in state of total panic running away and after it flees - it peacefully continues to graze, like nothing happened at all. A human would continue running away from the lion in his or her mind for a long time.

There is a terrific Buddhist tale of two monks that goes like this: Two monks were making a pilgrimage to venerate the relics of a great Saint. During the course of their journey, they came to a river where they met a beautiful young woman - an apparently worldly creature, dressed in expensive finery and with her hair done up in the latest fashion. She was afraid of the current and afraid of ruining her lovely clothing, so asked the brothers if they might carry her across the river. 

The younger and more exacting of the brothers was offended at the very idea and turned away with an attitude of disgust. The older brother didn't hesitate, and quickly picked the woman up on his shoulders, carried her across the river, and set her down on the other side. She thanked him and went on her way, and the brother waded back through the waters. 

The monks resumed their walk, the older one in perfect equanimity and enjoying the beautiful countryside, while the younger one grew more and more brooding and distracted, so much so that he could keep his silence no longer and suddenly burst out, "Brother, we are taught to avoid contact with women, and there you were, not just touching a woman, but carrying her on your shoulders!" 

The older monk looked at the younger with a loving, pitiful smile and said, "Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river; you are still carrying her."

Do not carry your thoughts and feelings with you - let them go peacefully.

Large part of being happy is to rein our brain. If we manage to stay in the present moment and let our thoughts and feelings pass, we should be in the state of happiness. It is called nirvana in Buddhism. 


It is not as easy as it sounds, because our minds are preconditioned to think and feel. With practice, you will be more mindful, aware of the present moment and life that happens in front of you all the time!

Start Small Habits Now

I have read a brilliant book by Stephen Guise - "Mini Habits: Smaller Habits, Bigger Results".

In this book, Stephen talks about some serious life changing stuff. He talks about how to develop good habits, and in the process get rid of bad ones.

His method comes from Laozi's book "Tao Te Ching" very famous quote:

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

This quote is as much brilliant as it is obvious. It gives universal formula how to do things. It also explains the only way to do things.

Many successful authors borrowed from this philosophy, and expanded on it. Based on this work is famous continuous improvement philosophy Kaizen. Homer Sarasohn and Charles Protzman helped rebuild Japan destruction during World War II, and Kaizen originated from their work. The main principle of this method is to do small steps toward a goal, and to treat each one as the most important. There are huge Japanese multinational corporations built on this philosophy.

There is a Chinese proverb that says:

"It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward."

This can summarize Stephens method. He constructed one ingenious habit called "One push-up Challenge". He challenged himself to do one push-up every day. Silly, right? Not really.

He constructed a habit to assume a push-up position and do one push-up. What do you think happened after he did that one push-up? He did five more.

I strongly recommend you read his book. In this post I will talk about my implementation of what I have learned from it.

I have made a list of small habits that I would like to have in my life. Stephen recommends starting with three or four, but I have started with ten.

The hard part is to do your new habit for first few weeks. Since it is not yet established as a habit, you will forget to do it. Tomorrow you will be aware that you have skipped a day, feel unmotivated and dump the habit altogether. If you skipped one day it is very easy to skip the next one, too.

Aristotle said:

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

If we want something to become a habit, we must do it repeatedly. It then becomes our nature and greatly influences our life.

One of the greatest bloggers Leo Babauta has an article on his site Zenhabits, titled "The Habit of Starting". I will quote one sentence from his article:

"... the key to forming a habit is starting each day"

Two main ingredients of forming a habit are:

1. Make habit a small one. It does not matter if it is ridiculously small. I have a habit that says "Eat one fruit". And I did it for 50 days in a row, and counting.

2. Do it every single day. You have no excuse to fail doing a small habit. One push-up. I would like anyone to explain to me how you can not do it if you have all four healthy limbs.

Leo is talking about some other things like accountability. He proposes to share our habit with a friend, and let them know how we are progressing. I do not think that is necessary, especially if that person is not also forming his or hers own habits. Who cares if I have or have not eaten a fruit?

Practicing mindfulness can help you stay accountable to yourself. Do two minutes meditation session mentally checking the list of habits you want to form.

Honestly, I do not do that. I cheat a bit. Habit List is an iPhone app I have installed and it helped me keep track of my daily and weekly habits. What makes me accountable to Habit List? Believe it or not - that three dollars I have paid for it! Somehow the authors of this app have nailed exactly what I needed to start my shiny new good habits, and I am grateful to them for it. I am diligently checking off my ten to twelve habits every day for two months now. I have total of two missed habits out of about 700 total.

Guess who else came to similar idea - famous comedian Jerry Seinfeld. I am paraphrasing his advice given to Brad Isaac:

"Each year, hang a large calendar on the wall, for every day you do your habit, you have the pleasure to draw big red "X" over that day."

The idea was not to break the chain. Breaking the chain makes skipping that habit easier the next day.

You will not break a chain if your habit is small one! This is the brilliant idea Stephen Guise explained to us in his book.

This method is the one you can use to set up mindfulness meditation habit. Start a habit of meditation for three minutes each morning right after you wake up. Do it every day, and if you feel you can meditate for two more minutes then do two more minutes, by all means. If not, you have completed your habit for the day and happily move on.

Add another habit of mindfulness at the office, if at all appropriate. Concentrate on the top of your monitor (if you use one) for two minutes each day. I am sure nobody will notice it and that you will not have any bad consequences.

Establish some "fun" habits, too. I love photography, so I have a habit to post one picture on the Instagram each day. I spend way to much time on Instagram, but with this habit I actually post only one picture, and not three or four as I used to do. What I did, is turn a bad habit into a less bad habit. I will not break that habit, though, because I love to photograph. Photography makes me more mindful about my surroundings, since I am often looking around for some interesting stuff to shoot.

Be creative with your habits. Do not just "exercise", "meditate", "write". I have a habit to eat 20 grams of dark chocolate a day. It is very healthy when consumed in moderation.

With Habit List app I also established some non-daily habits. I have a weekly habit to "take a long walk", which means I go walking to Farmers Market with my wife each Saturday, where we buy fresh produce and fruit, and where we have a cup of coffee in our favorite coffeehouse. Since I work 9 to 5, I do not have two hours each day to spend on this activity, so I proclaimed it a weekly habit.

I have also started writing a journal, with a few sentences about my day, and on top of it a gratitude journal, where I list five things I am grateful about. I can recommend Rick Hanson's book "Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence", to learn how to properly write a gratitude journal. Before reading his book, I have noticed that I do not have too much use of gratitude journal. I would just write some lines there and it would feel like a chore. I have already started and abandoned such journal last year. Now I have started it again but armed with scientifically proven method of how to do it right. Now I am happily on day 37 of my new gratitude journal! I use beautiful "Day One" app to write. This app actually provides me with a bit of incentive, which stacked on  top of my already forming habit and makes me love writing a journal.

Basically, you deal with two habit-forming issues: motivation and willpower. Both are scarce and untrustworthy. By having small daily habits you eliminate the problems. Reading for 10 minutes requires a little willpower and absolutely no motivation.

Stephen Guise gives an estimate, in his book, about how long you have to build your small habits, so I recommend you to read it. This is a tricky bit!

Good luck with your new good habits. Please write in the comments sections which habits you want to build for yourself and how can it be converted to small habit!

Why Is Our Judgement Wrong?

We spend every waking moment interacting with our surroundings, and while we do that, we need a mechanism to routinely make decisions. Our mind is in charge if making decisions, and one of the most important part of decision-making is judgement.

Why is judgement important in decision-making? Because it protects us from bad things that will happen if we choose poorly. 

Judgement has a number of factors:

• Previous experiences
• Upbringing
• Cultural influences
• People you interact with
• Ability to feel empathy
• Social power and influence
• Material wealth

Based on those factors we can conclude that everyone should make a different judgement about the same thing.

Let me clarify this. For example, we see a new iPhone in shop window. There is a decision we have to make - to buy it or not. We might not even consider looking at the shop window or we might think for thirty minutes. Either way, we can make only two decisions: "buy" or "not buy".

Every person facing this dilemma will pick only one option. What I want to show you is that whatever the decision is - it's based very probably on wrong reasons.

First of all, all those judgement filters are influencing your decision. You had bad experience with earlier version of iPhone and you did not like it. Your parents do not have cell phones, and raised you not to value them. Your religion does not allow you to use electrical devices. Your friends all have newest iPhones. You decide to buy iPhone for your poor cousin instead. You buy in because it will look good on that exclusive restaurant table. You can not afford it.

All those reasons are not real. They are the product of our imagination. The reasons are external. Each point on the "filter list" is in your head. Let me make an example of the last filter "Material wealth", in our iPhone buyers case. You decide you can not afford it. Why? You might not have enough money, but you could get part-time job and work for it. You might get older model, or buy "cheaper" one that fallen off the truck (I am not condoning this!). You might have enough money but still decide you can not afford it because you need that money for your daughters schooling. Objectively, you can afford it, but your judgement filters prevent you to do it, and you make a decision. This is completely normal process, and everyone does the same.

Why I believe this decision-making process is bad? It is bad because it does not involve clear thinking. It is not based on objective but subjective values, based mostly on external influences that have nothing to do with our core principles. It is not based on reason. Most judgmental thoughts and feelings are bad. Luckily, it does not make us bad people, only poor decision-makers. 

As Marcus Aurelius say in "Meditations":

"If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now."

How do we "wipe out that judgment now"? We need awareness. We need to come back into present moment, by letting go of all filtered thoughts we might have. Ask yourself good questions, concentrating on reasonable and natural standards:

1. "Will this new iPhone benefit or spoil me?"
2. "Will this new iPhone benefit or spoil my family?"
3. "Will this new iPhone benefit or spoil my friends and people I know?"

These are not some generic questions. First question, for example, asks if your current phone is enough for you? Does this new one have some crucial feature that will benefit me, my family and my community? The answer is not complicated. If you just place a call or two a day, and listen to some music, old phone is enough. If you do field work and regularly contact your customers while away from your desk, that longer battery life in the new model will be crucial for you, and then you buy it. The second question prevents you from buying it - if your daughter needs school books. You get the idea.

If the answer to all three questions is "benefit" the you should make positive decision.

The second type of judgement, is self-judgement. This form of judgement is worse than judging other people or things, since it is very negatively biased. This means that you almost always think bad about yourselves. 

In his book "The Power of Now", Eckhart Tolle says:

"The moment that judgement stops through acceptance of what it is, you are free of the mind. You have made room for love, for joy, for peace."

You can feel bad about your looks, your career, your anxiety and your iPhone. By accepting the reality, you are free of bad judgement. You do not need to judge something you have already accepted. Not looking into the past and into the future is also the key. Do not create stories about what happened and what might be. If you do, you will naturally start to judge them!

The third issue about judgement is fear of being judged by others. This can cause some real troubles, like obsession, depression, anxiety, perfectionism and high blood pressure. We do not want that, do we?

Nobody can say it better than Brené Brown:

"Many people think of perfectionism as striving to be your best, but it is not about self-improvement; it's about earning approval and acceptance."

I wand to clarify one more thing - I do not see that being judged by other people as bad. It is bad for them, not you. Bad judgement, the topic of this post, is all about your own.

What we need to understand is that people who judge you do it trough their own filters, and we already concluded this way of judgment is defective. So, why are we upset? Because someone else is wrong? We can be upset only when we are wrong, but only briefly. Just accept that someone judged you, did that badly, and feel sorry for they made a mistake. Then, with a clear head, explain why that person is wrong. If he or she still persists, do not get angry or upset. It's still problem on the other end.

One small problem - how we distinguish from good and bad critique? It is very important that we learn this skill. We can do it by being aware, being present in the moment, and clear-headed, asking ourselves the same three questions I have listed above.

Dalai Lama:

"The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual's own reason and critical analysis."

Follow your reason, carefully listen to others and you will be fine!

How do you make decisions? Please leave comments below!